


Grief

by dietcokeenthusiast



Series: Her Teacher, Her Emperor [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Missing Persons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 09:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20080150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dietcokeenthusiast/pseuds/dietcokeenthusiast
Summary: It's been a month since the disappearance of the professor, and still no trace of her. Faced with increasing desperation, even an Emperor has her limits.





	Grief

“Lady Edelgard.”

“Hm?” Edelgard looked up from the table , eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. On the table, maps and miniatures were arranged in various positions. It appeared as though she had spent the better part of a day fiddling with it, and simulating different scenarios. She would noticed Hubert along with all the members of their former house standing in front of her. “Yes, Hubert?”

He bowed slightly. “I and the rest of the strike force have returned from our latest search mission.”

“And?” Her eyes seemed to get just a bit wider, hoping it would be something. Anything.

“We are not finding a tracing of the professor.” Petra announced solemnly, casting her gaze to the ground.

“I see…” Edelgard sighed. It was the same as it had been all damn month. No trace, no word, no nothing. Over and over again. Constant blows to the hope she was trying desperately to hang on to. Even for one as well-practiced at maintaining the image of Emperor such as her, it was taking all her strength to maintain her composure in the face of it. Though she had assumed it might be easier to hear it the more often she did, each time hurt just as badly as when she scrambled to dig through the rubble, looking for some sign of her teacher.

“Edie…” Dorothea stepped forward, leaning a bit over the table. She appeared completely deflated, her usual exuberance gone. “You know how much we all miss her, right?”

Edelgard nodded. “Yes… we all do. Which is why we’re looking for her.”

The group fell silent at that, save for Bernadetta, who was starting to tear up. Caspar shifted uncomfortably as he stood in front of her. Dorothea bit her lip, and placed a hand on Petra’s shoulder. Ferdinand gave her a sad smile. It would be Hubert, however, who finally broke the silence, bowing his head as he spoke.”Lady Edelgard. Perhaps it is time to consider that the professor is lost to us.”

Edelgard was too stunned to react for a moment. She couldn’t  _ possibly _ have just heard that. All those years together, and she had somehow missed that Hubert had a passion for jesting. It would be just like him to unveil it at the worst possible moment.

“Edie… we know that if anyone could survive that collapse it would be the professor. But after a month… we would have seen something by now, right?”

Edelgard gripped onto the edges of the table, her gloves hiding her white-knuckle grip. “Have you all forgotten when we saw our professor cut a hole through the world itself to come back to us? A few stones wouldn’t be able to stop her!”

“Hey, Edelgard?” Caspar rubbed the back of his neck. “We’re not saying she’s definitely dead and gone. It’s just… maybe we should be ready if she doesn’t come back?”

“She  _ will _ come back. I know she’s alive, and out there somewhere.” Her hands began to tremble. “She may be out there and in need of our help. Are we going to just abandon her after all she’s done for us?”

“We are not giving her abandonment, Edelgard,” Petra said softly.

“The fact of the matter is that we have scoured the monastery and the nearby land as closely as it is possible to do,” said Hubert. Even his voice seemed less harsh than usual as he said it. “We are at war, Lady Edelgard. Our resources are not infinite. At the very least, we should consider reducing the frequency and the size of our search parties.

“Really, Hubert?” Edelgard narrowed her eyes. “I’m sure that must be very difficult for you to suggest,” she spat.

He sighed. “I will not deny I had my suspicions of her at first. But the professor has proven to be as true an ally as we ever could have asked for. Please, do not think for a moment that I am unaware of how vital she was to our cause, nor that I am ungrateful for all she has done. I am simply trying to help guide you towards our goals, as I always have.” He bowed.

Edelgard couldn’t look Hubert in the eye. She stared down at the maps as the trembling only worsened. She took deep breaths to steady herself. “You… will none of you speak up for our professor?” She winced as her question was met with what felt like an eternity of deathly silence.

“I believe Hubert has the right of it,” Ferdinand finally spoke. “All of us care about her, but we have to keep fighting for our cause.”

“I-I… I t-think we all do…” Bernadetta added, sniffling after.

Linhardt stepped forward to talk. “We understand where you’re coming from, we know that you and the professor-”

“What?” Edelgard interrupted, glaring at Linhardt. “The professor and I  _ what _ ?” She demanded, her voice starting to crack.

“...Nevermind.” Linhardt stepped back. “Perhaps you should get some rest? At least think about it?”

“There’s nothing to think about…” Edelgard replied as she stormed off. She headed for the old dormitories where each of them had set up private quarters. She refused to look back behind herself to see if anyone was following her, stumbling a bit up the stairs as she made her way to the second floor. She didn’t care. She just needed to get away. When she finally made it to her room, she slammed the door behind her, taking deep, ragged breaths.

Alone with her thoughts, Edelgard had no choice but to confront the truth: Hubert was right. Of course he was. If someone goes missing under a pile of rubble and not even so much as a hair can be found of them, they aren’t coming back, short of a miracle. Surely even the power of the Goddess herself had limits, after all. More importantly, she had effectively declared war on the rest of Fodlan. She was willing to pay any price it took to free the world from the clutches of that wretched church. That had to be her focus above all else. She knew that. On her honor as Emperor, she knew she didn’t have the luxury of distraction.

Yet all of that was not enough to ease the torture her heart was enduring. She was prepared going into the tomb to do whatever it took. If that meant all her companions dying at her own hand, so be it. If that meant her own death, at least it would be a death for something greater. What she hadn’t expected was the depth of the hurt in Byleth’s eyes when she came for her; a pain she hadn’t seen in them since Byleth lost her father. She hadn’t expected her resolve to be so shaken by that sight, her axe weighed down with hesitation and regret in every swing. She hadn’t expected to lose and be forced to bend the knee before the professor. Hadn’t expected to see those tortured eyes staring into her soul as she held a blade to her neck.

Most of all, after all that had transpired, she hadn’t expected her to lower her blade, help her to her feet, and stand beside her. Byleth, who had no idea about the truth behind her actions, who visibly ached from her apparent betrayal, who had every reason in that moment to despise her, refused to harm her. More than that, she trusted her.  _ Believed _ in her. Though the pain she was in was plain on her face, Byleth pledged to stand by her, even if the rest of the world became her enemy. 

Within days Byleth had helped return things to the way they were, looking after her the way she always did, talking about a time in the future where they could escape the world for a day, sharing sweets and each other’s company. Edelgard would smile politely and try not to let on that such a day would be the subject of many a coming daydream. After all that had happened, Edelgard still had her friend, her mentor, her…

_ Yet after all that, she was ripped away in a moment. _

Edelgard once again tried to take deep, ragged breaths, desperately trying to steady herself.

It was a futile effort.

For the first time since Byleth’s disappearance, she let go.

Edelgard let herself slump to the ground, grabbed her pillow, held it to her face, and screamed as loud as she could. It was raw. Primal. An entire month of suppressed pain forcing its way out of her. She only paused to gasp for air, and scream again. Her throat ached from the exertion, but Edelgard didn’t care. Whatever pain she felt in her body was only a sliver compared to what she felt in her heart. Letting out one more loud, agonized scream, Edelgard clutched the pillow tight to her chest. She took what breaths she could as her body was wracked with ragged sobs. When her voice finally returned to her, she wailed. She made no attempt to articulate her pain as she sat there, only releasing it and hugging the pillow tighter and tighter. 

Edelgard carried on for what felt like at least an hour until she felt like she was going to be sick, her voice hoarse by the end of it, and her body somehow even more exhausted. Her breaths were still shaky as she lay there on the floor. The pain in her heart hadn’t gone away. It couldn’t have. She still hurt for the memories that were, and all that could have been. It felt less sharp, though. She could at least think clearly enough to realize that Linhardt did have a point when it came to rest. There had been far too many sleepless nights since the incident. If the professor were here, she would gently chide her about how an Emperor needed to be looked after before she could look after others, and…

Edelgard slowly got to her feet, making her way to the bed as she still held onto her pillow. She would flop down onto the bed face first, tightening her grip. As soon as she was on the bed, however, she felt her eyelids get heavier almost instantly. “I miss you, my teacher…” she murmured softly to herself before slipping into a deep, dreamless slumber.

\---

The next morning, Edelgard would join her allies for breakfast. They seemed a bit surprised at her presence, regarding her with polite smiles. Edelgard carried herself in her typical, upright manner. If any at the table knew, or heard her the day previous, they gave no indication.

“So, Edelgard,” Caspar began between bites of his scrambled eggs. “How are you doing?”

She looked to him and smiled slightly. “I am well, thank you for asking.” She pushed her food around her plate with the fork. “I’d like to apologize for the state I was in yesterday. Having given it some thought, I believe you are all correct.” She hesitated just a moment before speaking the next piece. “Search parties will only be assembled once a week, and at half the numbers there were previously. If we’re to be at war, we need to allocate our resources wisely.”

Hubert smiled, and bowed his head to Edelgard. “Of course, Lady Edelgard. Once again, I’ve no intention of giving up. One never knows when she might return to us.”

“Indeed we don’t,” she said softly, eyes drifting to the entrance of the dining hall.

_ Please don’t be long, my teacher... _


End file.
